Green Eggs and Ham
Sometimes I think that Gemma and I were hatched from similar very tasty green eggs. After a long and restless night, I turn on the box to read her blog. I have had the exact same night.
Last night, I had a dream about my dad. I have barely spoken to him or seen him for a good 15 years now, and his family hasn't heard from him for even longer, but he still haunts me. Everytime I see him in town or wherever, he doesn't recognize me. The thing that I remember most about him is his beard. Reminds me of Ned Kelly. I also remember his eyes. I remember the burning hatred, I remember the utter despair and sadness.
I really have no idea how to feel about this man. At times I resent him for not being there when I need guidance and inspiration. At other times I hate him with a sickening violence when i think of the shit that he has done to me. Sometimes I even love him, because he tried so hard to do what he felt was best for me, and he made me an interesting and educated person. He is obviously lost, and is too proud to find any solace. But the sad thing is, I can easily see myself following a similar path.
Anyway, the basis of the dream was that he had found out that I was sleeping with mum (JUST A DREAM PEOPLE!!!) and spent the rest of the dream chasing me around the house. He never caught me as I anticipated his every move.
And why did I dream this? He blames me for his marriage breakdown, and when I was a kid, he would blame me for the fact that he spent so much time with me that he never had time to wash the car. Just shit like that. Just his emotional punching bag really. There's a fuckload of guilt that I'm carrying around because of this man. That's what I get for being a Pisces eh?
And the rest of the night? I spent that wondering about me and Bec. I tried to text her but I was out of credit. Probably saved me in the long run. She doesn't know that I have started writing this blog. Should I tell her? I think it would solve a few problems. It would probably also cause a few new ones. Any ideas out there in TV land?
Last night, I had a dream about my dad. I have barely spoken to him or seen him for a good 15 years now, and his family hasn't heard from him for even longer, but he still haunts me. Everytime I see him in town or wherever, he doesn't recognize me. The thing that I remember most about him is his beard. Reminds me of Ned Kelly. I also remember his eyes. I remember the burning hatred, I remember the utter despair and sadness.
I really have no idea how to feel about this man. At times I resent him for not being there when I need guidance and inspiration. At other times I hate him with a sickening violence when i think of the shit that he has done to me. Sometimes I even love him, because he tried so hard to do what he felt was best for me, and he made me an interesting and educated person. He is obviously lost, and is too proud to find any solace. But the sad thing is, I can easily see myself following a similar path.
Anyway, the basis of the dream was that he had found out that I was sleeping with mum (JUST A DREAM PEOPLE!!!) and spent the rest of the dream chasing me around the house. He never caught me as I anticipated his every move.
And why did I dream this? He blames me for his marriage breakdown, and when I was a kid, he would blame me for the fact that he spent so much time with me that he never had time to wash the car. Just shit like that. Just his emotional punching bag really. There's a fuckload of guilt that I'm carrying around because of this man. That's what I get for being a Pisces eh?
And the rest of the night? I spent that wondering about me and Bec. I tried to text her but I was out of credit. Probably saved me in the long run. She doesn't know that I have started writing this blog. Should I tell her? I think it would solve a few problems. It would probably also cause a few new ones. Any ideas out there in TV land?
posted by Adrian at 11:04 am
2 Comments:
hi adrian,
i just wanted to say thanks for linking to me, although im not sure who you are or how you found me or why you linked, thanks anyway :) i'm linking you too
good luck with your dad. no doubt if you've linked to me, you would have read about my letter writing escapades...no response yet...
keep writing
Do NOT tell your girlfriend about your blog at any cost. It will completely inhibit the way you write and the things you write about and you may find yourself in a bit of a mess. It happened to me (though I didn't tell him, he found out by accident, and by then he was my ex, but same same).
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