It's matter over mind for now
I don't know what unruly games the stars are playing of late, but I've been feeling a little out of sorts. And having the most bizarre thoughts.
Just like a bundle of protons and neutrons awash in a sea of electrons.
And I've been meaning to do something goodly for a while, so I headed off down to the blood bank just near where I work.
"Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like to make a withdrawal."
"I'm sorry but we only collect blood here. Just fill out these forms."
So I filled them out and sat in the waiting room.
And I was hoping that they would ask me for my name. ("Ivana", I vanna suck your blood.) And they did, but I wisely thought to keep that one for the blog. No point giving away all your best material. And it was a tough crowd.
In the screening process they ask you if you have lived in England from anytime between 1980 and 1996. That made me laugh, because if I had, they wouldn't have accepted my blood. They say it's to do with Mad cow disease, but I think there's more to it than that.
I went into the first waiting room where they had to check if my haemoglobin was ok.
And they pricked my third finger and squeezed a little blob out. Stuck it in a machine, and waited for the results.
My count was a little low, so they tried the other hand. Apparently your counts can vary a little in different parts of your anatomy.
So after I passed that test (It was a little close) I graduated to the big chair where they milk you of your nectar.
Well my nurse was named Juliette. And she was gorgeous. She was probably late thirties or early forties, but the way she smiled and talked about things and busied herself with her various equipment. Mmmmmm. I was going to ask if she had a Romeo, but I guess that's just too obvious right?
Have I mentioned before that I want to marry a nurse when I grow up? Or a waitress or an air hostess? I love the way they fluff your pillows and make sure you are comfy and fuss over you. Plus the outfits are great.
So I lay in the chair and pumped out a pint through a needle the size of a biro.
"If anyone asks, it took you 11 minutes to fill the bag"
"Is that good?"
And she looked genuinely impressed.
I think I could do better than that though. If I knew it was a race, I would have squeezed a little harder.
I reckon I can clear 10 minutes next time.
And it was over just like that. So I went and had a glass of orange juice, a couple of party pies for my efforts. I also noticed that they had Bonox. Apparently it's a beef flavoured drink. I politely declined, but the lady told me she'd give me one next time I came in.
So I feel a little better having done something nice, not to mention a little light-headed. I saved four lives apparently. I wonder who the lucky recipients of my DNA will be?